According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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