so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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