Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We talked him into tasing himself.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
