Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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