every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
