Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
