I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
