Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
