In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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