I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
