hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
