this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
