oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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