Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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