I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
