Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
