He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
