those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
