Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
