im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
