Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
