i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
