i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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