Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
