I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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