Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
