i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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