it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
