He kissed a someone with a penis
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
