so that wasnt chicken after all
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I will be naked everywhere
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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