are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
