My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm getting married
To pizza
Randomize
