I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
