I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
So squirting runs in the family.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I am available for nakedness
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
