adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
The adults are the big ones right?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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