haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
