Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
