I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I lost the right to judge tonight
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
