I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
