did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
