Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
