my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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