dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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