I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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