by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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