this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
