Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
