That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
