if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
