I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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