I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
