If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
